by Gail White

“[Florida] woman whips gator out of her pants when cops ask if she has ‘anything else’ on her.”
—RawStory

When you’ve explored the local lakes
To swipe some turtles, frogs or snakes,
And as you leave—abysmal luck!—
The cops arrive and stop your truck,
Unearth your loot and bag the lot,
And ask you if that’s all you’ve got:
Don’t leave protection up to chance—
Keep a gator in your pants.

A foot-long gator makes a nice
Female security device.
Just make sure you win his trust
Before you hide him in your bust.
Or ward off sexual attacks
By taping him inside your slacks;
Before the villain can advance—
Whip that gator from your pants.