by Marshall Begel

“’The rumors are true! I’m retiring and saying goodbye to the world of cleaning to pursue new hobbies,’ Mr. Clean said in a statement.”
—PennLive

He’s hanging up his plain white tee
and growing out his hair,
as Mr. Clean, retiree,
retracts his nom de guerre.

As mascot for his namesake brand,
he figured it was time
to let his ad campaign disband
and end his life of grime.

Perhaps there was some secret tryst
or other tabloid shocker—
was he revealed on Epstein’s list
or caught with Betty Crocker?

The reason for his abdication
is likely unsurprising:
a tactic of a corporation
to get free advertising.