by Stephen Gold

“Let inmates help train prison guards, says charity”
—The Times

I was trained by Strangler Boone,
And am proud to say that soon
I was thoroughly conversant with the rules.
Much respected by his peers,
He was serving fifty years,
For garroting Mom and stealing all her jewels.

Mr. Boone explained to me
That he’d like to have a key,
And that nobody above me would object.
I considered his request
And concluded it was best
To comply (a tad unwise in retrospect).

My mistake was brought to light
In the middle of the night,
When a cry went up that, “Strangler isn’t here!”
Mr. Boone had slipped away,
And I’m very sad to say
That along with him departed my career.

I admit I was naive
To provide the means to leave,
And the lesson is, as every warden knows,
When it comes to wily schemes,
All custodial regimes
Must remember that the cons are also pros.