Poems of the Week

Heir BnB

by Julia Griffin

“To mark the release of the Downton Abbey film, the Earl and Countess of Carnarvon have posted their residence of Highclere Castle in Hampshire on the Airbnb booking website.”
—The Guardian

[Contains TV series spoilers]

Good But Not Great. The house was nice,
But not enough to do it twice.
The family was strange. The Earl
Seemed pleasant, and the youngest girl,
But Carson squirmed while serving food,
And Lady Mary acted rude.
Of course, we half expected that,
But not some Turkish diplomat
Finishing up in madam’s bed—
Not just embarrassing but dead.
Enough excitement, so you’d hope!
Then Lady Grantham slipped on soap.
As for old Lady G—the sneer
When Wayne (my husband) asked for beer!
And how she smirked when, over tea,
That nasty footman squeezed his knee!
Still, we liked Mrs. Isobel
(Not Downton class, though—you can tell)
And Mrs. Patmore did her best
With Bolonaise, at our request.
Were there some things we’d change? There were.
We found him pushy, their chauffeur:
He outright whizzed us down that drive!
Overall rating: 3.5.