by Alex Steelsmith

“Girl asks police to test cookie for DNA proof of Santa…
[The evidence was sent] to the state’s Department of Health-Forensic Sciences
unit for analysis… ‘to be examined for traces of DNA and compared with profiles
on record for the above-named suspect/aliases’…”
—AP News

Munchily, crunchily,
someone mysterious
nibbled the treats. Did he
break any laws?

Though it’s debatable
jurisprudentially,
evidence indicates
probable Claus.