by Philip Kitcher

(To be sung to the tune of Cwm Rhondda (Guide Me, O Thou Great Redeemer))

I shall always do your bidding
Whatsoever you may ask,
Figure out when you’re just kidding,
Then perform the intended task.
It’s no hassle,
I’m your vassal,
Every wish of yours is mine.
I no longer have a spine.

You foresee our nation’s beauty,
I must make your dream come true;
Full obedience is my duty—
You will tell me what to do.
I won’t skimp it,
I’m a limpet,
My adhesion won’t abate.
I’ll be your invertebrate.