by Stephen Gold

“Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are experiencing growing pains finding a path to… success in Hollywood.”
—People

(With apologies to Kipling)

If you can’t spend a day without complaining
That someone in your family’s a rat;
If you behave as though it’s always raining
In your palatial, sun-drenched habitat;
If common sense does not prevent you whining
About the tragic burden of your load,
Or noticing your vacuous opining
Is why you’re running out of gilded road;
If you portray yourselves as two uplifters,
Whose mission is to stir our mortal soul,
But are dismissed as just a pair of grifters,
A waste of time and money on the whole;
If you can’t see that much you have been given
Has less to do with merit than dumb luck,
Don’t be surprised so many have been driven
To look at you and think, “Who gives a fuck?”