by Ruth S. Baker

“Bronx Zoo’s Happy the Elephant is not legally ‘a person,’ judge rules … 
Bronx Supreme Court Judge Alison Tuitt dismissed the NonHuman Rights Project’s petition to grant the 48-year-old pachyderm ‘legal personhood’ in order to move her to a 2,300-acre sanctuary.
‘The court agrees that Happy is more than just a legal thing, or property. She is an intelligent, autonomous being who should be treated with respect and dignity, and who may be entitled to liberty,’ Tuitt wrote in the judgment. ‘[But] we are constrained by the case law to find that Happy is not a ‘person’ and not being illegally imprisoned.'”
—The New York Post

If you’re Happy and you know it, wave your trunk,
But don’t fancy you’re a person since it’s bunk;
You’re too smart to start assumin’
You are legally a human:
Would you want to have your teeth so sharply shrunk?

If you’re Happy and you know it, good for you:
That is really more than people mostly do;
You’re entitled to your freedom
And respect, if you should need ’em;
But you’d really best enjoy ’em in the Zoo.