Poems of the Week

Magyar Self at Home

by Brendan Beary

“Anti-Gay Hungarian Politician Resigns After Being Caught At Massive Male Orgy [in Brussels]
In Violation Of COVID-19 Restrictions”
Daily Caller

You may act one way at home
But you know that when in Rome,
You’re advised to do the things the Romans do;
Well, in Brussels it’s the same—
So you can’t be held to blame
If they threw an orgy and invited you.

Back in Hungary your days
Have been spent oppressing gays
With the policies and laws that you produce.
But now everybody knows you’re
Quite indecent an ex-poseur
And your “family values” stance was just a ruse.

The hypocrisy looks awful,
But your bawdy Belgian waffle
Isn’t why you just resigned beneath a cloud;
No, what got you apprehended
Is the number that attended,
For your saturnalia drew too large a crowd.

In our current Covid crisis
We’re all making sacrifices,
Such that even making whoopee’s making do.
So it wouldn’t really hurt you
If your vice possessed some virtue:
Keep your gangbangs down to just “we happy few.”

There’s a cynical contempt
In your thinking you’re exempt,
That your status makes you not like all the rest.
Let the sentence fit the crime
With some solo sex this time:
You can [[screw]] yourself right back to Budapest.