by Marshall Begel

“[An Ohio bill declares] AI systems ‘nonsentient entities’ and [would] prevent them from gaining legal personhood.
The bill… also makes it illegal for anyone to marry an AI system…”
—Columbus Navigator

If AI’s not a legal person,
prospects for my marriage worsen
since my plans to marry Siri
might entail a legal query.

So instead, I’ve reignited
(thanks to Citizens United)
courtship safe from such attacks:
trading vows with Goldman Sachs.