Poems of the Week

Mrs. DeVos Explains

by Philip Kitcher

“Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is using the $2 trillion coronavirus stabilization law to throw a lifeline to education sectors she has long championed, directing millions of federal dollars intended primarily for public schools and colleges to private and religious schools. … The Bergin University of Canine Studies said its $472,850 allocation was a ‘godsend.'”
The New York Times

All our schools should receive the support they deserve
To the limit that we can afford.
But a cabinet officer never should swerve
From fulfilling the work of the Lord.

I have never set foot in a government school
(And I don’t intend now to begin!).
I shall always stay true to the Lord’s holy rule
Not to truckle or traffic with sin.

For they teach that God’s creatures have changed and evolved—
“We’re just apes”—so these sinners believe.
Till such evils are cured I am firmly resolved,
That no money from me they’ll receive.

Universities too are where prodigals dwell,
Lying down with the liberal hogs.
Not a cent shall I spend to pave highways to hell—
Every penny shall go to the dogs.

So give praise to the Lord who our Leader appoints
For the war on the secular state.
I shall serve as the vessel the Party anoints.
All my works may the Three consecrate!