by Julia Griffin

“The World Can’t Believe Americans Are Only Just Discovering Kettles,
As They Mock NY Times Article”
—Network 10

A saucepan serving as a kettle
Is just a mad misuse of metal.
What makes me really rant and rave?
A teacup in a microwave.
This week it somehow hit the Press
How things are done in the US:
World can’t believe! the newsroom cries;
To me, it came as no surprise.
Round here,* where taste’s in deep eclipse,
A kettle’s used for roasting chips,
And even when not wrecked with ice,
Earl Grey’s luke warm, which is not nice.
Americans! It’s not your bag?
You think it violates the flag?
Don’t drink it! Throw it in the sea!
But with no kettle, tea’s not tea.

*In the author’s adopted home in the state of Georgia