by Julia Griffin

“Cockles, Mussels and Bodyguards: Dublin Acts to Protect Molly Malone Statue
The city said it would provide stewards for its statue of the folk song figure—
and repair its bust, which has been damaged by excessive touching.”
—The New York Times

(To the tune of “Cockles and Mussels“)

For Barbara, again

In Dublin’s fair city,
Where girls are so titty,
I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone,
As she shone like a goddess,
Too big for her bodice,
Ah what shockers! Light-blockers! They need their own throne!

They need their own throne,
They need their own throne,
Ah what shockers! Light-blockers! They need their own throne!

Men sighed, “I must pat you!”
Though she was a statue,
Like Anna, the darling of Earwicker’s heart,
Who won the term “Floozie
Inside the Jacuzzi,”
While Molly, plus trolley, got “Tart with the Cart.”

That Tart with the Cart,
That Tart with the Cart,
Yes, Molly, plus trolley, got “Tart with the Cart.”

Her breasts are rubbed shiny,
Which makes her fans whiny,
But that’s not the end of sweet Molly Malone:
For we’re building that filly
Some tough new mamillae—
Hush, ye mockers! No knockers will equal her own!

Can equal her own,
Can equal her own,
Hush, no mockers! No knockers will equal her own!