by Eddie Aderne

“2,000 year old book about Roman emperors enters bestseller charts”
—The Guardian

Julius Caesar destroyed the Republic.
Divus Augustus dodged fighting,
But boasted at staggering length of his triumphs.
Tiberius liked to ban writing.
Little Caligula flipped off the Senate.
Claudius’ wives clearly laughed at him.
Nero: a gold-loving, self-proclaimed genius.
Galba was old. Otho shafted him,
And daubed himself orange. Vitellius’ reign
Was chaos. Vespasian’s first rule
Was: money smells sweet! Titus banished
Judaeans. Domitian? Plain cruel.
Now why should a book about rulers like these
Be trending today with the bestsellers, please?