“According to two sources close to the monarch, doctors have advised the Queen to forgo alcohol except for special occasions to ensure she is as healthy as possible for her busy autumn schedule and ahead of her Platinum Jubilee celebrations next June. ‘The Queen has been told to give up her evening drink which is usually a martini,’ says a family friend.” —Vanity Fair
The Queen’s been told to stay away
From drams that ease the Royal day.
Martinis are a no-no now.
Her docs would like to disallow
Most recreation alcoholic.
Crowned heads lie ever melancholic.
I’m gettin’ married in the morning
Just like a young man in my prime.
Rivers are rising;
We’re enterprising—
Get me to the church on thyme.
Rains have been falling here for hours,
Water’s too high for us to climb.
Flood of emotion;
I have a notion—
Get me to the church on thyme.
If we are tardy they’ll understand,
But we are hardy—boys, lend a hand!
Nothing can keep us from that altar;
Soon all the bells are gonna chime.
Hall’s fully booked now,
My goose is cooked now—
Get me to the church on thyme.
Our friends are doting—give them a show;
Now we are floating—come on, let’s go!
Looks like it’s gonna be our season,
Looks like today will be sublime.
Babe, we can book there,
We’ll take the cookware—
Get me to the church, get me to the church,
Please, please get me to the church on thyme.
“[S]cientists are calling on volunteers around the world to help identify and count [walrus] in
thousands of satellite images taken from space … The project aims to protect the animals by carrying out a walrus census of the Atlantic and Laptev
populations over the next four years, the WWF said.” —The Washington Post
For Mary A. and Jack
Humane observers, what prevents us
From helping with the Walrus Census?
Ignore the climate-sceptics’ fallacies:
The earth needs head-counts and analyses;
The planet’s plight is clear before us:
Come join the Walrus Scorers’ Chorus!
“Thanks to a local vet and a group of concerned ecologists, the churra lebrijana breed has been rescued from extinction” —The Guardian
As ovines (Iberian) go
Shaggy churras were not Best in Show.
Mattress wool? No demand. What a blow!
The breed appeared doomed and de trop.
But now three in Seville bleat hello
To children who watch as they mow
And greet them with glee, all aglow,
There’s a chance that their numbers will grow.
“Burnishing his green credentials before the Cop26 summit, it was with pride that Prince Charles revealed that he runs his Aston Martin on ‘surplus English white wine and whey from the cheese process’.” —The Guardian
Raise a glass of the bubbly and bright
To Prince Charles and his gallons of white. As a royal eco-wonk He employs surplus plonk
For exhaust fumes we sniff with delight.
“Asked if he sympathised with Greta Thunberg, the climate campaigner
who has also criticised leaders for failing to act, [Prince Charles] said:
‘Of course I do, yes.'” —BBC News
Of course I sympathize with Greta T’s Frustration—blah, blah, blah is all she hears! Can talking fix COP26? Well, Jeez! Old leaders have just talked for thirty years, Unwilling to take action, so our youth Rebel … It isn’t helpful, though, to be So keen to vandalize—I wish, in truth, Extinction R would take their cues from me: I drive a car that runs on wine and cheese, Desist from meat and fish two days a week, Off dairy stay another day, plant trees Year round, and get some hydro from my creek … Expect no comment, though, on Boris J.— Since I’d regret, when king, what I might say!
“A sheep has been on the loose… for at least five days and has evaded capture, despite multiple sightings. Bloomington residents have captured photos and videos of the sheep.” —UPI
Little Bo-Peepishly,
Bloomington residents
can’t catch a sheep, though they
catch it on cam.
How is this wily and
woolly Houdini of
Artiodactyla
still on the lamb?
“China’s noisy ‘dancing grannies’ silenced by device that disables speakers Many people are too scared to confront the groups of middle-aged and older women who take over public parks and sports grounds to exercise along to music Viral videos and reports have shown the groups arguing and fighting with basketball players to take over their court, or, in one case, breaking into a football field and stopping the game to dance in the space, prompting a police response and arrests.” —The Guardian
Beware the dancing grannies
Who rule the public parks:
Who shake their aged fannies,
And greet aggrieved remarks
With disco blasts, unfitting
Their venerable age!
Instead of mutely knitting,
Behold them, centre stage,
Gyrating and stampeding
On sacred fields and courts,
Not making tea or reading
The gardening reports.
In vain you hush their speakers
Or summon the police;
These old excitement-seekers
Rave on and will not cease,
A case which quite reverses
This long-established truth:
To be a social curse is
A task reserved to youth.
“Actor William Shatner expressed awe Wednesday after traveling to space on a Blue Origin rocket. ‘What you have given me is the most profound experience I can imagine,’ Shatner told Blue Origin
and Amazon founder Jeff Bezos following the flight. “I’m so filled with emotion about what just happened.'” —Cox Media Group
Jeff proved, whatever crown you’ve won,
You still need one more factor:
To gild your Enterprise with sun,
You comp a brilliant actor.
