by Dan Campion
“No One Can Explain Why Planes Stay In The Air”
—Headline in Scientific American
Now they tell us, while we cruise
At thirty thousand feet,
Perusing online sports and news
From arts to science beat,
That no one knows what keeps us up?
That’s weird, but do we care,
A double whiskey in our cup?
We trust in wing and prayer.
by Nina Parmenter
The UK has already lost its measles-free status, thanks to a discredited study which linked the MMR vaccine to autism. Now a rise in cases of mumps has been reported.
How do we catch the measles,
and how do we catch the mumps?
Surprise, surprise, it’s the spread of lies
that literally leaves us with lumps.
Autism’s in the wiring,
but nonsense is in the ether,
and Claire is in intensive care
with a fiercely spiking fever.
Do viruses hold with hokum?
No, they squat in our bodies and laugh
at our ignorant art of tearing apart
the one thing that stands in their path.
Science is in a needle,
but venom is in a tweet,
and Claire? Well she’s in a mortuary
with tags upon her feet.
by Julia Griffin
“Virtuoso mourns beloved £150,000 piano smashed by movers
In a Facebook post [Angela] Hewitt said … “I hope my piano will be happy in piano heaven.”
—The Guardian
Alas, poor Fazioli! It had given such delight
Before a clumsy mover somehow dropped it from a height
And smashed its innards, fashioned though they were of tempered steel.
It’s painful just to think how its accompanist must feel;
And yet she found the grace to think beyond the pair they were,
And hope it would be happy in a place not made for her.
When such a harmony exists, I think we can be sure
That in both partners equally devotion will endure;
An instrument so finely tuned is not a senseless thing,
But echoes its companion’s love with every silent string.
It stands aloof in Heaven while the blessed vainly bid:
The angels want to play it, but it simply shakes its lid;
It’s waiting for the final reconvergence of the twain,
To sound that Pi-Angelic chord that won’t be lost again.
by Bruce Bennett
“SweetHearts Are Back … And 65% Are Blank!
Iconic SweetHearts conversation hearts are back this year,
but production issues plagued their new manufacturer.
We reviewed the new SweetHearts and found:
•65% had no markings on them at all—completely blank.
•24% had unintelligible misprints.
•8% had partially printed phrases.
•Only 3% had full, well-placed phrases.”
—CandyStore.com
I’m sorry, Dear. It seems there’s been a glitch.
It looks like this year I will have to switch
from SweetHearts to express what you well know.
At 3% the odds are just too low!
by Nora Jay
“Yes, the caucuses are not perfect.”
—Des Moines Register
The App didn’t work as
Hoped by the Hawkeye,
Making a circus
Out of the Cauci.
by Alex Steelsmith
Caucusy raucousy,
Peter P. Buttigieg
called it a win, though the
count was in doubt;
critics who claimed he was
over-presumptuous
must have assumed he’d be
petering out.
by Ruth S. Baker
“The call of the jackass penguin, a wheezing bray that sounds like a donkey in distress,
follows some of the same linguistic laws found in human languages, scientists have found.”
—The Guardian
Although this penguin’s wheeziness
Suggests a donkey in distress,
Intensified attention finds
Expression much like humankind’s—
A fact surprising when we see
How cheerful penguins seem to be.
by Dan Campion
Alethephobia (the fear
Of truth) may have a cure,
But in the Senate would appear
Predestined to endure.
by Barbara Loots
“… Earth Fare is not in a financial position
to continue to operate on a go-forward basis.”
—Associated Press
The thing to retrace is
our go-backward basis:
the go-inward viewing
of go-outward doing,
the upward enhancing
of downward financing.
On-going contortions
have sucked up our fortunes.
Our present condition?
Go-nowhere position.
by Julia Griffin
“‘Deaf’ genius Beethoven was able to hear his final symphony after all
From 1818, he carried blank ‘conversation books’, in which friends
and acquaintances jotted down comments, to which he would reply aloud.
‘The conversation books are going to be a game-changer,’ [the musicologist] Albrecht said.
Among the surviving examples … he has so far found 23 direct references to the subject of hearing,
and estimates that several dozen more will show ‘he could still hear something’.”
—The Guardian
Beethoven heard? Apparently it’s true:
His “Conversation Books” have changed the game,
We’re told, disproving everything we knew.
Of course we’re happy for him! All the same—
What is this funny, furtive little peeve?
We’ve mourned so long his stricken genius,
And presto! we’re expected to believe
There was no need? He never needed us?
There’s more at stake. That long-maintained idea
Framed humankind as something grand and dark:
So strong, so breakable! That he should hear
Feels almost like a sacrifice. Then hark,
Ludwig: with all the grace we can deploy,
We hereby give you joy. An Ode to Joy.
by Chris O’Carroll
“Love your enemies”—that’s what some loser once said,
But I win with insults and vengeance instead.
I pray for more partisan hate in this land.
I pray the Lord’s name doesn’t clash with my brand.
I pray that my Christian supporters won’t see
They play with the devil by praying with me.
by Orel Protopopescu
“An Iowa Democratic caucus voter who agreed to back Pete Buttigieg
rescinded her support after learning that the former South Bend, Indiana, mayor
is gay and married to another man.”
—CNBC
First persuaded to switch to the mayor,
she’s reborn as a viral naysayer:
Are you kidding? Pete’s gay?
Give my vote back, today!
And some affable aides soon obey her.
Did I miss in the Bible, her guide,
God is love, but he stops at gay pride?
When Ms. “Geert” threw a fit,
I was forced to admit,
Not all bigots are found on Trump’s side.
by Erika Fine
Hey, Democrats, you’d better scrap
That slapped-together caucus app,
And while you’re trying things anew,
Please ditch the caucus concept too.
And why is Iowa the place
That’s first in line for every race?
I’m also totally perplexed
On why New Hampshire’s always next.
And why oh why do we denote
A Tuesday as the day to vote?
And why on earth must we succumb
Like clockwork, each quadrennium,
To people called “electors” who
We never know and never knew?
Democracy in our great land
Is often hard to understand.
by David Hedges
As Alan Dershowitz now says,
There is no law above the Prez.
King Donald, as he’ll soon be known,
Can flop upon his golden throne
And rule the universe by tweet
While toadies kneel and kiss his feet.
Once Moscow Mitch has scratched his itch,
He’ll strategize, without a glitch,
On possibilities for graft
And giving Democrats the shaft.
by Viveca Priestley
What brain infection can rewire us
to treat a power-hungry clown
as if he wears a golden crown?
It’s Washington’s corona virus.