“Hindu god Shiva given seat on Kashi-Mahakal Express … Officials in charge of the Kashi-Mahakal Express … booked the upper berth in a second-class, air-conditioned compartment for the god known as the cosmic destroyer on the train’s inaugural run. … The Times of India said in an editorial that ‘assigning an upper berth to Shiva is illogical, because he has transcended the plane on which berths exist’.” —The Guardian
Shiva
Was no diva.
When assigned a second-class berth,
He did not destroy the earth.
by Julia Griffin “Daily Beast reporters say Reince Priebus was repeatedly asked about [badgers by President Trump] during briefings on healthcare and foreign policy “Are they mean to people?” Trump reportedly asked Priebus… . “Or are they friendly creatures?” —The Guardian
Are badgers mean to people? That depends. Or are they friendly creatures? They have friends. Have they a personality? For sure,
Though you, perhaps, may reckon it a bore. What do they do? They hang out in their setts,
And no, they’re bad with existential threats.
These are the answers that the Chief of Staff
May have produced, on everyone’s behalf,
To redirect the Presidential thought
To subjects more immediately fraught:
Tax, immigration, guns, a healthcare plan,
The legislature, and Afghanistan.
“No One Can Explain Why Planes Stay In The Air” —Headline inScientific American
Now they tell us, while we cruise
At thirty thousand feet,
Perusing online sports and news
From arts to science beat,
That no one knows what keeps us up?
That’s weird, but do we care,
A double whiskey in our cup?
We trust in wing and prayer.
The UK has already lost its measles-free status, thanks to a discredited study which linked the MMR vaccine to autism. Now a rise in cases of mumps has been reported.
How do we catch the measles,
and how do we catch the mumps?
Surprise, surprise, it’s the spread of lies
that literally leaves us with lumps.
Autism’s in the wiring,
but nonsense is in the ether,
and Claire is in intensive care
with a fiercely spiking fever.
Do viruses hold with hokum?
No, they squat in our bodies and laugh
at our ignorant art of tearing apart
the one thing that stands in their path.
Science is in a needle,
but venom is in a tweet,
and Claire? Well she’s in a mortuary
with tags upon her feet.
“Virtuoso mourns beloved £150,000 piano smashed by movers In a Facebook post [Angela] Hewitt said … “I hope my piano will be happy in piano heaven.” —The Guardian
Alas, poor Fazioli! It had given such delight
Before a clumsy mover somehow dropped it from a height
And smashed its innards, fashioned though they were of tempered steel.
It’s painful just to think how its accompanist must feel;
And yet she found the grace to think beyond the pair they were,
And hope it would be happy in a place not made for her.
When such a harmony exists, I think we can be sure
That in both partners equally devotion will endure;
An instrument so finely tuned is not a senseless thing,
But echoes its companion’s love with every silent string.
It stands aloof in Heaven while the blessed vainly bid:
The angels want to play it, but it simply shakes its lid;
It’s waiting for the final reconvergence of the twain,
To sound that Pi-Angelic chord that won’t be lost again.
“SweetHearts Are Back … And 65% Are Blank! Iconic SweetHearts conversation hearts are back this year,
but production issues plagued their new manufacturer.
We reviewed the new SweetHearts and found: •65% had no markings on them at all—completely blank. •24% had unintelligible misprints. •8% had partially printed phrases. •Only 3% had full, well-placed phrases.” —CandyStore.com
I’m sorry, Dear. It seems there’s been a glitch.
It looks like this year I will have to switch
from SweetHearts to express what you well know.
At 3% the odds are just too low!
“The call of the jackass penguin, a wheezing bray that sounds like a donkey in distress,
follows some of the same linguistic laws found in human languages, scientists have found.” —The Guardian
Although this penguin’s wheeziness
Suggests a donkey in distress,
Intensified attention finds
Expression much like humankind’s—
A fact surprising when we see
How cheerful penguins seem to be.
“‘Deaf’ genius Beethoven was able to hear his final symphony after all From 1818, he carried blank ‘conversation books’, in which friends
and acquaintances jotted down comments, to which he would reply aloud. ‘The conversation books are going to be a game-changer,’ [the musicologist] Albrecht said.
Among the surviving examples … he has so far found 23 direct references to the subject of hearing,
and estimates that several dozen more will show ‘he could still hear something’.” —The Guardian
Beethoven heard? Apparently it’s true:
His “Conversation Books” have changed the game,
We’re told, disproving everything we knew.
Of course we’re happy for him! All the same—
What is this funny, furtive little peeve?
We’ve mourned so long his stricken genius,
And presto! we’re expected to believe
There was no need? He never needed us?
There’s more at stake. That long-maintained idea
Framed humankind as something grand and dark:
So strong, so breakable! That he should hear
Feels almost like a sacrifice. Then hark,
Ludwig: with all the grace we can deploy,
We hereby give you joy. An Ode to Joy.
“Love your enemies”—that’s what some loser once said,
But I win with insults and vengeance instead.
I pray for more partisan hate in this land.
I pray the Lord’s name doesn’t clash with my brand.
I pray that my Christian supporters won’t see
They play with the devil by praying with me.
