“Bills season ends in AFC championship loss to Chiefs” —Sports Illustrated
For my sister
Those rosy, faithful fools out in the snow, whose football team’s forever blizzard-tossed: more die-hard fans the game will never know.
Their zeal they showed, in 10-degrees-below, by smashing plastic tables, stiff with frost— those rosy, faithful fools out in the snow.
They swore, “Once Allen’s trounced Mahomes—our foe— we’ll feast on wings and skate Lake Erie, sauced!” More die-hard fans the game will never know.
This victory, they knew, would soothe the blow dealt decades past: those four Big Games, all lost— those rosy, faithful fools out in the snow.
Alas, their whoops gave way to wails of woe when one last screaming spiral proved star-crossed. More die-hard fans the game will never know.
Once more, they’ll yearn all year for Autumn’s glow then don their well-worn sweaters, BILLS-embossed. Those rosy, faithful fools out in the snow: more die-hard fans the game will never know!
“Moby Dick author Herman Melville’s London townhouse is for sale for £9 million” —London Standard
It’s a townhouse in London where prices are high, And it used to belong to an eminent guy, And the fixtures and fittings are probably nice, But I still think they’re asking a whale of a price.
“Tiny mites seem capable of relying on the power of static cling to hop into hummingbird nostrils and move between flowers.” —The New York Times
We’re nibbling on the pollen and we’re sipping on the nectar, The hummingbird is lingering in iridescent flight. But the pollen’s always sweeter in another floral sector, So we book a nasal passage, and it doesn’t cost a mite.
Are Don and Elon aping Zuck And trusting breakage and good luck To get those astronauts unstuck? Dear Butch and Suni, please take care! We all know haste makes vaporware.
“After nine months stuck in the [moving Weddell Sea ice] pack… the ship slid down to her frigid grave. No one ever expected to see the stout little ship again… [Until 107 years later…] Out of the abysmal darkness, a century’s worth of wonder, history, and legend filled the screen. The port side of the Endurance, still resplendent… as if it sank yesterday, emerged from the gloom.” —National Geographic
Shackleton’s vessel was moving, although Nature compelled her to go with the floe, Shackled in irons of north-drifting ice Slowly becoming a merciless vise.
Thus, he would launch his historical trip After the Weddell had swallowed his ship; Fractured and scuttled, Endurance was doomed Never again to be seen, he assumed.
More than a century later—behold!— Deep in the fathomless darkness and cold, Shackleton’s ship is impossibly found Upright, her timbers astoundingly sound.
Cameras robotically panning the wreck Capture the brittle stars manning her deck; Life, to perennial hardship, inures. Shackleton lives, and Endurance endures.
“President Donald Trump’s first actions in the Oval Office included rolling back healthcare policies put forth by former President Joe Biden, including expansions to the Affordable Care Act…” —Fox News
I voted for the MAGA King, Big Don: He’s promised to reduce the price of eggs! And that’s why I don’t care my healthcare’s gone, And probably I’m going to lose my legs.
“Anders Vistisen, a Danish member of the European Parliament, told President Donald Trump to ‘f*** off,’ in response to Trump touting the idea of buying Greenland.” —CNN
Let’s hear it for the Danish. Plain speaking’s for the Dane. Greenland’s been theirs eight hundred years, and theirs it will remain.
And here’s one Dane who says so, Who speaks up for their land, and uses words— a few at least— that Trump can understand.
“The Commander in Chief Ball was only the first of three balls the president planned to stop by… [The balls] are a longtime tradition… The first inaugural ball was held in 1809 for President James Madison…” —USA Today
Normally, formally, incoming presidents dance in extravagant ballrooms and halls.
One could infer that they feel a compulsion to ritualistically show they have balls.
“Men have grown twice as much as women over past century, study shows Data from dozens of countries reveals height and weight differences between sexes have increased since 1900″ —The Guardian
Where are they found, these giant men With mighty torsos, arms, and feet? You’re likely to remember when You’re next assigned a middle seat.
“Yes, a US Senator Displayed Misspelled Poster During Hegseth Confirmation Hearing” —Snopes
Oh, sht, Misery’s Senatr Has spelt it “MILTARY”? Our military must defer And redo, yessiree, They’re signage, so it shal agree With MAGA poster buoys. If eny fuel dere disagree, Beewear hume he annoise.
“Chimney sweeps asked to park away from customer homes, due to wood-burning stove embarrassment” —LBC
Please, Chimney Sweep, don’t park your sooty van At my front door when sweeping out my flue: Remain as incognito as you can. Keep mum about particulates I spew. A Brighton Council ad campaign upbraids Wood-burning stoves for dirtying clean air, And if folks learned I’m burning wood in spades, You’d cause embarrassment beyond repair For me—I beg you, park away from me … Relax. No sweat. I’ll paint my van: the phrase “Orchestral Coach” will blot out “Sweep” and be My cover, this old tuba case conveys My tools … and you must sound this tuba—or, Embarrassment may threaten like before!
“Rats get taste for drugs in Houston evidence room” —The Guardian
Hey Templeton, you lazy little sot, In Houston there’s a sight you’ve got to see: a Warehouse full of confiscated pot All locked up tight (I’ll bet there’s sinsemilla).
Let’s hop a freight and raid that sticky stash, Then party till we cannot walk or stand. It’s Bound to make us famous in a flash: Two barnyard rats, two crafty contrabandits!
“Japan aquarium cheers up lonely sunfish by taping photos of human faces to its tank: Staff had noticed that the sunfish was showing signs of distress after the aquarium was closed for refurbishment… A day after [the taping] the fish regained its appetite and looked generally more content, according to the Mainichi Shimbun [newspaper].” —The Guardian
In this bleak week, I’ve learned a fix, And Tokyo’s to thank, Where one sad fish was cheered by pics Of humans on its tank.
Inspired by this, I hereby wish The next four years to be A vista of contented fish, Taped over my TV.
“Joe Biden Warns of ‘Tech Industrial Complex’ In Farewell Speech…” —Deadline
I’m old and still remember Ike’s Grim warning to our land. The complexhe named drove in spikes And built just as they’d planned. The tech lords too will stake their plot And rule it. But thanks, Joe. Another “complex”? Well, why not? Let’s stay and watch the show.
“Trump Names Sylvester Stallone, Mel Gibson and Jon Voight as ‘Special Ambassadors’ to ‘Troubled’ Hollywood: They’ll Bring ‘Lost Business’ Back” —Variety
Yes, all that we need to get showbiz on track Are three geriatric “Ambassadors”; This will for certain bring Hollywood back! Well, this—and a few flux capacitors.
