by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Octopuses seen punching fish that don’t cooperate on hunting trips…”
—The Independent

Never annoy an octopus
By skimping on a chore,
Or else you get the old one-two—
But multiplied by four.

by Marshall Begel

“Eating grasshoppers has been found to boost sex drive, improve
sleep quality, promote healthy hair and help with weight management.”
—New York Post

With voice of a ringmaster, baritone loud,
The salesman soon gathers a sizable crowd.

“Do you dread the changes that make you feel old?
Do you wish that youth could be packaged and sold?
Today is your day, and of course I allude
To this edible magical new superfood!

It helps you perform when libido is stalled,
And brings back the hair of the premature bald!
You’ll rise every morning awake and alert,
And lose enough weight for that pencil-thin skirt!

So, curious tourists, and shrewd local shoppers,
Come fill up your baskets with tasty…
grasshoppers!

It’s cash-only, people—no vouchers or tickets!”

The crowd answers back with unanimous…
*crickets*

by Alex Steelsmith

“Apple begins testing AI software designed to bring a smarter Siri to the iPhone… [T]he often
bumbling Siri… will be able to perform more tasks and be less prone to becoming confused…”
—The Associated Press

Bumbledy fumbledy,
Siri’s abilities,
good for occasional
chuckles and laughs,

soon will be humming with
hyperefficiency,
ending the era of
Sirious gaffes.

by Barbara Loots

“A new app… gives each user a private, Twitter-like social network populated exclusively by chatbots…
SocialAI has you choose what kinds of bots you want to interact with, using categories like supporters,
fans, trolls, ‘brutally honest,’ haters, ‘doomers’ and so forth.”
—Axios

I’m sorry, Gail, I’ve found another friend
to spill my guts to out in cyberspace.
I know we’ve corresponded fifty years,
although we’ve seldom met up face to face.
You’ve been a sounding-board for every whim,
for every heresy and sour complaint.
You’ve fed my ego, heard my woes and rants,
were never bothered that I’m not a saint.
We’ve shared opinions and a lot of laughs.
We’ve moaned the nonsense pols and pundits speak.
You’ve nudged me higher in the poet’s art
with countless words of praise and kind critique.

I’m here to say I’ll trouble you no more
with daily screeds. I leave all that behind.
My bot companions will take over now.
And will I miss you?
Damn. I’ve changed my mind!

by Dan Campion

“This Black Hole Has a Cosmic Wingspan”
—The New York Times

One hundred forty Milky Ways
In breadth this wingspan spreads!
Yet humans—how our tricks amaze—
Can hold it in our heads.

“Porphyrion,” a giant of myth,
The experts dubbed their find,
A nod toward ancient kinship with
The vastness of the mind.

by Steven Kent

“At a Remote Scottish Pub, a Pint Worth Hiking 20 Miles”
—The New York Times

Across the Scotch Highlands did old Angus roam
In search of a pint or some whiskey.
Last call, and now all should be heading for home:
“I think I’ll stay here, lads—too risky.
My trek is a long one, and I’m a pit bissed
(I mean a bit pissed–I’ve drunk plenty).
This evening’s been one that I wouldn’t have missed;
I could stumble one mile, but not twenty!”

by Alex Steelsmith

“Invisibility cloaks? Wave scattering simulation unlocks potential for advanced metamaterials”
—ScienceDaily

Abracadabraca,
metamaterials
soon could give rise to the
magical cloak.

Be on the lookout for
non-visibility;
even a poem could
vanish like sm

by Paul Lander

Trump versus Taylor
Or, Tay Tay versus Cra Cra:
Truth that’s not social.

by Marshall Begel

“China warns students ‘beautiful women, handsome guys’ could lure them into spying”
—Reuters

She mounted the bar stool and slipped me a wink.
Before I could answer, she’d bought me a drink.
I’m usually awkward, a bundle of nerves—
But I was transfixed by those dimples, those curves.
She talked of her passion for dancing all night.
She asked if I doubted there’s love at first sight.
But then came the question that stoked my desire:
“So, how do you feel about…
wearing a wire?”

by Ruth S. Baker

“Mouse crawling out of meal forces plane to make early landing:
Rodent posed risk to electrical wiring on Scandinavian Airlines flight from Oslo to Málaga”
—The Guardian

Wiring? The story is a mere farrago;
Remember, please, how just last year a plane
Was forcibly diverted to Chicago
Because of missing food. So now again

You’ll grant, I hope, a little understanding
Of how a passenger’s frustration feels.
I forced the plane to make an early landing,
As humans do when cheated of their meals.

by Michael Calvert

“Engineers at NASA have successfully fired up a set of thrusters Voyager 1 hasn’t used in decades…When Voyager 1
lifted off to space on September 5, 1977, no one expected that the probe would still be operating today.”
—CNN

Amazing that a spacecraft
should ever fly so far.
I’m sure whoever built it
did not design my car.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Lib Dem chief whip Wendy Chamberlain mocks [Prime Minister] Sir Keir Starmer’s ‘quite grey’ hair”
—The Independent

To ridicule a person ’cos they’re greying,
Or red or blonde or going thin on top,
Is underhand and juvenile and braying—
And look who’s talking, Mrs. Curly-Mop!

by Chris O’Carroll

“And the audience was absolutely—they went crazy.”
—Donald Trump describing a debate that took place without a live audience

They’re eating our pets in Ohio,
And fact-checking my lies isn’t fair.
The audience, they all went crazy
Even though there was nobody there.

Public schools change the sex of our children.
Don’t you dare say my mind is impaired.
I have often heard crowds going crazy,
Like that time there was nobody there.

by Julia Griffin

“California zoo animals returned home after wildfire evacuation…
The residents of the Big Bear Alpine zoo [include] rehabilitated animals that are unable
to be released into the wild, many of which are elderly and have injuries. … [On Thursday, the director] loaded up an array of birds—cranes, hawks, barn owls and a pelican—and made the winding two-hour
drive back to the animals’ mountain home.”
—The Guardian

An eagle blinded in one eye;
A fox cub amputee;
A sandhill crane too lame to fly:
Sick, wounded, elderly,

Saved from a fire! The story brings
Balm for mankind’s distress:
A pelican with broken wings,
Back from the wilderness.

by Nora Jay

“Massachusetts man buys $395,000 house despite warnings it will ‘fall into ocean’
David Moot nabs ‘dream’ Cape Cod home next to eroding cliff in imminent danger
of crumbling due to climate crisis”
—The Guardian

Your dream may soon become a nightmare if
Your house, however cheap, falls off a cliff—
A cliff which, owing to the climate crisis,
Is dwindling, like the local housing prices.
But whatsoever happens to the planet,
Brave Massachusetts Man stays firm as granite:
He’s moving in! Let’s hope he keeps the joint
For long enough to christen it Moot Point.