by Bruce Bennett

Jim Jordan, aiming to rule the roost
and give his MAGA hordes a boost,
reached high, reached far, but came up short.
Sometimes it’s wisdom to abort.

by Julia Griffin

“‘Every square inch is covered in life’: the ageing oil rigs that became marine oases”
—The Guardian

Think of the prospects of the ageing rig,
Abandoned in the middle of the sea,
So bare, so gray, so jagged, and so big,
Unwanted even for its former work
Of sucking out the ocean’s muck and murk
To blight the air and doom posterity:

Whoever would have dreamed a thing so dead,
Activists’ ghoul, Big Oil’s discarded toy,
Could bloom into a grove, a busy bed
Of waving tendrils, colored like the dawn,
Where mollusks sprout and cod and rockfish spawn,
And young sea lions soar like shots of joy?

by Iris Herriot

“Man who pretended to be mannequin in Warsaw shop window charged with theft:
Polish police hold 22-year-old accused of stealing jewellery after posing as display dummy”
—The Guardian

My super heist, in retrospect, looks crummy:
I posed inside a store display, because
I thought the staff would take me for a dummy—
Which (also retrospect) it seems I was.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Experts have been left ‘scratching their heads’ at a mysterious humming noise
[reported by] residents of a Leeds estate. … ‘apparently it is worse at night.’”
—Yorkshire Evening Post

The experts work in shifts to find the sound.
They’ve microphones and meters by the score,
But still they aren’t making any ground.
It’s as elusive as it was before.

When each shift ends, they gather to debate
Their methods at the friendly local inn.
They’re often in the bar till very late;
They ponder, “Hmm,” and sip their beer and gin.

by Steven Kent

“CIA admits 1953 Iranian coup it backed was undemocratic”
—The Guardian

Thinking of Al and John Dulles,
Whose labors left millions undone:
The world keeps on turning
While burning and burning
Because of their war that we “won.”

Undemocratic? You think so?
When voters spoke, we said No deal!
BP was quite worried;
The Agency hurried
To make the Shah’s reign appear real.

Next we went south of the border,
Declaring Guzmán had to go.
United Fruit needed
Him out, so we heeded
Their call—Guatemala, hello.

Soon we were dreadfully busy
In Chile and elsewhere, alas.
Crushed many a rise in
The Left, sent our spies in
(With troops, on occasion, en masse).

Seventy years, and we’re finally
Confessing we made a mistake.
Americans? Snowed ’em.
Iranians? Showed ’em
That we choose who catches a break!

by Alex Steelsmith

“Every decade since the 19th century, the average American’s body temperature has declined
from 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit by 0.05 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s probably because we have better
living conditions now than in the past, which reduces inflammation, and therefore body temperature.”
—Motherly

Heltery-sweltery
bodily temperature,
back when conditions of
living were quite

antediluvian
(pre-19th-century),
must have gone up to a
staggering heit.

by Dan Campion

“Sharks Are So Old They’ve Been Around The Galaxy Twice (So Far)”
—IFLScience

Two hundred thirty million years
It takes our spiral arm
To carousel around the hub
Of our galactic wheel.

Of course, one of our apex fears
Would swim to do us harm
From deep time, like a nuke-armed sub,
To make the beach crowd squeal.

No matter where a pilot steers,
No sharks will take alarm;
They’ve seen it all. And here’s the rub:
From Jaws there’s no appeal.

by Chris O’Carroll

“Trump attorney Sidney Powell pleads guilty in Georgia election subversion case”
—CNN

“Release the Kraken!” Sidney Powell
Made that a trending MAGA howl.
Alas, no monster from the sea
Appeared for her. She copped a plea.
Her testimony, say predictions,
Could lead to bigger-fish convictions.

by Bruce Bennett

“Every mascot has its thing. Some dunk. Others flip. As for Ellie the Elephant,
the mascot for the New York Liberty women’s basketball team? She twerks.”
—The New York Times

An elephant twerking?
For Decency’s sake,
is nothing now working?
Give us a break!

We don’t like complaining,
but elephant’s ass?
If that’s entertaining,
please! Give us a pass!

by Marshall Begel

“Echidnas make “cooing and grunting sounds, in addition to the wheezing and exhalation noises…
exclusively during the breeding season.”
—Phys.org

With instincts keen and yearnings strong
I sing to thee our mating song.

The prologue, light and softly cooed,
Will cultivate a proper mood.

The dulcet tones of heartfelt grunt
Will bring my talent to the front.

Then finally, my passion’s wheezed,
With humble hope you will be pleased.

When you respond with sweet exhale,
I’ll know that I have made the sale.

A brief embrace, some bonding snuggle,
We’ll lay an egg and hatch our puggle.

by Paul Willis

“Patrick Mahomes ‘felt a little bit of pressure’ for Travis Kelce to score with Taylor Swift watching”
—Today

Lest Taylor should swiftly get bored,
I threw Travis the ball, and he scored!
But after the game,
as Trav left with his dame,
did those two put more points on the board?

by Eddie Aderne

“From deep within a papyrus scroll that has not been read in almost 2,000 years and would crumble to pieces
if unrolled, researchers have retrieved a handful of letters and a single word: ‘porphyras,’ ancient Greek for ‘purple.'”
—The New York Times

Porphyras: murex fish; the dye thereof:
Unique discovery, hard work to gain;
Rushing (of sea, or blood); a precious rain
Poured into reeds; color of death, of love,
Lured from an ancient shell: purport’s impasse
Erupts, however briefly. Porphyras.

by Nicole Caruso Garcia

“It’s perfectly acceptable—and even preferred—for you to stay quiet
if you don’t know enough about what you’re talking about.”
—USA Today

Advanced degrees ain’t ever speedy, huh?
Cue terrorism, war—an easy fix:
in minutes, hordes on social media
have PhDs in geopolitics.

by Steven Kent

“Female frogs appear to fake death to fend off unwanted advances”
—The Guardian

Their trick is not so rare as it appears:
My wife’s been doing this for years and years.

by Ruth S. Baker

“Pumpkin weighing 2749 lbs wins California contest, sets world record”
—AP

The Pumpkin mopes. “2,000 lbs and dropsical:
My flesh is mush, my roots are downright swimming;
I’ve higher water-content than a popsicle,
And still that bully yells: ‘What are you, slimming???’

“I’m gorged with mulch, I’ve endless indigestion,
And still it’s all impatience and reproach.
O Fairy Squashmother! What’s your suggestion
For getting me in shape to be a coach?

“White mice? To make me move you’d need a rhino—
That’s just to have me squelch along the ground;
You’d have to fit my innards out with lino,
Or poor young Cinderella could be drowned.

“Now see me on some heavy-duty platform:
Three cheers! I’m crowned the Grossest Gourd of All!
Before I plummet, ending up in splat-form,
Won’t someone take this Pumpkin to the Ball?”