by Julia Griffin

“A parrot has been reunited with its owner three years after it was stolen in France—
after shouting out its name to police. … When police seized the talkative bird… it began to squawk,
‘Jako, Jako, Jako’—a traditional name for parrots in France, like Polly. But one of the cops remembered
that a colleague who had lost his parrot with the same name in 2020 told fellow officers that
the bird would say its name if found…”
—The New York Post

A parrot foiled its thief by shouting, “Jako!”—
A tale which sounds to me completely wacko:
Gendarmes would surely mock that owner’s folly
Who chose to call his bird the French for “Polly.”
If I’d a parrot, I would have it listed
As “Thisbe Theft” or maybe “Iris Isted”;
Or (though the less articulate might scoff)
Another choice would be “I. Wanda Doff.”
I want a name a stolen bird would shout right:
Like “Rob Berree” or possibly “Nick Doutright”;
But—though I see the charm of “Don Ignoreme”—
I’d plump for “Ivan Ownerwaitingforme.”