Poems of the Week

Pet Pants Law

by Bruce Bennett

“With April Fool’s Day on Friday, a fake letter
from the city of Auburn is circulating on social media,
telling residents a new law will require pets to wear pants
so as not to expose their genitals.”
The Citizen

What? Spike go out without his pants,
eliciting a prurient glance?
We will not have it! Let us cover
those parts that designate the lover.

And Josie too. She must be spared
the shame of having privates bared.
Think of our children. Should they see
the wherewithal by which dogs pee?

No, never! Let us now address
this situation we confess
has always made us somewhat queasy.
Although solutions are not easy,

We’ve hit upon one now at last.
Embarrassment is of the past.
Excuses we need no more make—

What’s that? Oh no! The law’s a fake?