by Julia Griffin

“Ruby red slippers worn by Judy Garland in the movie The Wizard of Oz have been successfully recovered after the shoes were stolen from a Minnesota museum over a decade ago, the FBI announced Tuesday. … There were no finger prints or surveillance video of the theft—all that was left behind was a single red sequin.”—Huffington Post

At a time we need a tonic,
Every prospect looking vile,
The return of two iconic
Souvenirs should spark a smile:

Ruby-sequin-studded slippers,
Which when Hollywood was sweet
Made two blushing Little Dippers
Out of Judy Garland’s feet.

Though of two divergent sizes
(Any shoes may be mismatched)
These inestimable prizes
Had been criminally snatched,

Leaving countless hearts in rubble,
Till last Tuesday when, O my!
Bright as Glinda in her bubble,
Came the the mighty FBI:

With one sequin for assistance
And strategic use of moles,
Those detectives went the distance
Till they found those poor lost soles.

Iterate this all you want if
You are ever sad and blue,
Noting also that the Pontiff
Has had more to bear than you:

As the Church’s shame advances,
There is much he stands to lose;
Though conveniently, Francis
Ditched long since his ruby shoes.