by Stephen Gold

“Why jogging could be making you angrier”
—The Times

Today I woke up angry,
Less man, more rabid dog,
And in this state,
Consumed with hate,
I set off for a jog.

I hoped that it would cheer me,
And make me feel serene.
But miles and miles
Produced no smiles,
I still felt just as mean.

I’ve never met a jogger
Who’s in a state of bliss.
We sweat and grunt,
When, to be blunt,
We should be thinking this:

“I’m done for good with jogging,
It only makes me seethe.
Next time I’m sore,
I’ll close the door,
Then close my eyes and… breathe.”