Poems of the Week

Salary Malady

by Stephen Gold

“[Swedish] men are sadder when their wives earn more, study finds”
—The Times

It’s just sickening to see
That my wife earns more than me,
How it makes me feel inadequate and small.
To a modern macho male
It’s a monumental fail,
When a guy brings home less bacon than his doll.

Size does matter, that’s a fact.
I deplore her lack of tact,
As she shamelessly ascends the greasy pole.
Can’t she see how I’m depressed
That she wants to be the best?
It’s distressing that she doesn’t know her role.

As I waste away my days,
With no prospect of a raise,
I reflect on the unfairnesses of life.
In the whole of Scandinavia,
Ain’t nobody gonna save ya
From the sorrows of a high-achieving wife.