by Steven Urquhart Bell

“[S]ex and relationships education has changed in Scottish primary schools”
—The Scotsman

Sex education when I was at school
Was utterly useless to kids on the pull.
Lots about gametes and fertilization;
Nothing on hormones and sexual frustration.

We’d fidget through endless biology lessons,
Impatient for answers to pricklier questions:
A sperm and an ovum engender a brat—
But how do you get to the bit before that?