by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Ireland under attack from sex-crazed spiders ‘the size of your hand'”
—The Irish Post

September’s when a spider colleen’s mom
Exhorts her nubile daughter to beware—
X-rated movies, not a sweet rom-com,
Could be what spider lads show in their lair!
Red-blooded male arachnids on the prowl,
As August ends, are in a mating war:
Zoologists see all means fair or foul
Employed by sex-crazed Irish males to score! …
Don’t bother spiders on the make tonight—
In Ireland, in your house! They may be dead
Reluctant to attack you, but they’ll bite
If you disturb them mating on your bed!
Soon all the males will die, and when they do,
House spiders will return your house to you!