by Julia Griffin

“A Sydney couple received a fright when they discovered a rare venomous snake in a bag of
supermarket lettuce—but recovered and later used the fresh produce in a salad wrap.”
—The Guardian

“Mystery tree beast turns out to be croissant”
—BBC News

The Polish police got a panicky call:
A brute had been sighted, quite three inches tall,
Concealed in some branches. A lizard at least!
They rushed in with stun guns—confronted the beast—
And found it was pastry. Now Twitter’s awash:
A crested croissant or a brindled brioche?
A greater galette or a clawed clafoutis?
Or was it a bûche-baby high in that tree?
Well, well. At the time, the response it awoke
In viewers was quite the reverse of a joke:
In fact it reduced to comparative failure
A snake in a lettuce in eastern Australia,
Found also this week—not quite deadly, but still
Equipped to make victims exceedingly ill—
Whose finders, a truly phlegmatical bunch,
Just brushed off the leaves and consumed them for lunch.
This incident, leaving aside the display
Of human sangfroid, should inspire us to pray
That Cautious in Krakow, and those of her kidney,
Don’t find themselves shopping for salad in Sydney.