by Julia Griffin

“Speaker McCarthy ousted in historic House vote…”
—AP

After Herbert Kretzmer

Speaker of the House, frantic for the job,
Clinging to my gavel till my fingers throb;
Cut a little deal, anything’ll do,
Sticking to the office like epoxy glue,
Teaming up with all who’ll have me,
Keeping scruples safe on ice;
What good are friends? I hate ’em;
Eight dumb votes, I’m pitched from Paradise!

Speaker of the House, shafted by the Fates,
Decommissioned, courtesy of Mad Matt Gaetz,
GOP forgets how I saved its rump,
Hammering those rioters but lauding Trump:
Everybody’s least-worst option,
Everybody’s empty suit;
Just mark my words verbatim:
Eight dumb votes, you all could get the boot!