Poems of the Week

That Italian Feeling

by Max Gutmann

“Italians … denounce a court verdict clearing a [man] of a sexual assault charge for groping …
because it only lasted ‘around five to 10 seconds.’”

You can drop the Ciao, bella!
Reach out a bit, fella.
In Italy, grope her; it’s fine
as long as each second
is carefully reckoned.
Just count, and stop touching at 9.

If you do, then the law’s
on your side: there’s no cause
for complaint. This new ruling’s a doozy.
Stop at nine and you’ll thrive.
(If you stay under five,
then you don’t even gotta say “Scusi”!)