by Marty Steyer

A spectacular false alarm

From deep within the bowels of Diamond Head,
an oracle proclaims: Looks like we’re dead!
Soon missiles will be arcing through our skies.
(There’s little hope they’re headed for Van Nuys.)

Radiation, spawned by North Korea,
will cause hysteria and diarrhea.
Quite seriously, this is not a hoax.
Stop what you’re doing and find shelter, folks.

Bikinied bombshells leave the beaches bare,
and handsome hunks hightail it out of there.
Which leaves what? Wrinkled prunes, like you and I.
Aloha, love. Goodbye. Hello. Goodbye.