Poems of the Week

The Ballad of Boris the Brazen

by Philip Kitcher

“Stop all this hubbub, these cries to be gone!
Britain still needs me for ‘levelling up.’
Quaff a few draughts from a full stirrup-cup!
I must go soldiering on.

Though all the ballots were strictly anon,
I won more votes—so there’s no cause for exit.
Can’t trust the Wobblies to oversee Brexit!
I must go soldiering on.

‘Quit’ doesn’t figure in my lexicon.
Servants’ careers can be flushed down the drain—
Partygate’s trifling compared with Ukraine!
I must go soldiering on.”