by Stephen Gold

“Boris Johnson admits he has known of lorry driver shortage for ‘long, long, long time'”
—The Independent

“Fuel and food shortages could last until Christmas, warns Boris Johnson”
—The Times

(To the tune of “The Christmas Song”)

Parsnips rotting in a winter field,
Turkeys culled before our eyes.
Who can haul? Frankly, no one at all,
Since we ran out of fuel supplies.

Anybody know where all the pigs-in-blankets are?
Each and every one’s untucked.
Yuletide’s here, but forget festive cheer.
Britannia’s “Great” no more, it’s fucked.

Are there more truckers on their way?
Where are my pickles, panettone and pâté?
I pray they make it in the nick of time.
Thank God I signed up for Amazon Prime!

And so, I’m offering this Christmas thought.
Own up, you must have had it too.
My friends, this is it; we are deep in the shit,
Now we’ve left the EU.