by Marshall Begel

“This Research Job Will Pay You… to Eat Cheese”
—Food and Wine

Emulsified and made to pour
Or pumped at a convenience store,
I know all sauces, orange and thin,
To dip a chip or pretzel in.

So often have I grilled in pans
Or sprayed it out of nozzled cans,
I guarantee you’ll never meet a
Greater expert on Velveeta.

My trousers all have Cheeto stains.
Cholesterol has filled my veins.
Unless they want some “cultured” snob,
It’s clear I’m perfect for this job.