by Philip Kitcher

Not to be sung by Julie Andrews

Liberal judges and “their” Constitution,
Do-gooder programs for redistribution,
Legal procedures for clipping my wings,
These are among my least favorite things.
College professors who always disparage,
Wives who have lingered too long in a marriage,
Having to shake off a woman who clings,
These are among my least favorite things.
Nations in Nato that don’t pay their way-ay,
Plans for vaccines made from mRNA-ay,
Freedom of trade and the losses it brings,
These are among my least favorite things.
When the deep state
Blocks my golf date
And I’m feeling sad,
I simply demolish some unfavored things,
And then I don’t feel … so bad.

Critics who carp at my choices of clients,
Scurrilous rubbish that’s passed off as science,
All interference with immigrant stings,
These are among my least favorite things.
Salesmen for Darwin who hoodwink the masses,
Hoaxes created about “greenhouse gases,”
All of the flak when an ex-henchman sings,
These are among my least favorite things.
Discrimination by DEI quotas,
Counting the ballots of non-MAGA voters,
Limits attached to the conduct of kings,
These are among my least favorite things.
When the deep state
Meets its dark fate
I shall not be sad,
For I’ll have demolished all unfavored things,
And then I shall feel … less mad.