by Michael Calvert

With apologies to Christopher Marlowe

“Anti-vaxxers are coupling up on apps for ‘Unjected’ singles. Dating apps are pairing unvaccinated people across the country — and in some cases hosting controversial in-person events.”
—The Washington Post

Go out with me, and be my date,
And we will all our germs conflate.
Together we will get the flu,
Pertussis, mumps, and Covid too.

Our love will grow and thrive as we
Contract the Heps from A to C.
We’re free and proud “unjected” singles,
Undaunted by the risk of shingles.

You’ll be my gal, and I your fella,
When we are stricken with rubella.
And when we’re ill, we’ll stick to courses
Of drugs we use to cure our horses.

We aren’t like the common herd;
We both think science is absurd.
And never would we take a jab
Of something cooked up in a lab.

There’s nothing makes me more desirous
Than Russian Roulette with a virus;
And I might add that when we met
It wasn’t flu that made me sweat.

I’m certain you and I will click,
We’re both averse to needles—ick!
We’ll get along infectiously,
If you’ll go on a date with me.