by Philip Kitcher

“Conservative leadership race is making some Tories miss Boris Johnson”
—The Washington Post

“A pox on the vultures who squawked at my doom!
They’re foiled of their prey as I rise from the tomb.
The people declare they don’t want to change course.
I’m back from the dead—thanks to buyers’ remorse.

The nation’s discovered an absence of fizz
in Rishi and Tom, Kemi, Penny, and Liz.
I’ll turn on the charm—there’s no need to use force—
my future’s assured—thanks to buyers’ remorse.

The party is learning what voters all know:
the corpse is laid out with its entrails on show.
When members come begging, I’ll laugh myself hoarse,
regaining my throne—thanks to buyers’ remorse.”