Poems of the Week

Thumbs Down

by Chris O’Carroll

“Why is it that the women with the least likelihood of getting pregnant are
the ones most worried about having abortions? Nobody wants to impregnate
you if you look like a thumb. These people are odious from the inside out.
They’re like 5′2″, 350 pounds, and they’re like, ‘Give me my abortions…’”
—Congressman Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) addressing college students at a
conservative conference

Matt Gaetz is not inclined to knock you up.
Of lust-provoking tea you’re not his cup.
Your body isn’t one he wants to use,
So just shut up about your right to choose.

You never had a stake in Roe v. Wade
If Matt says you’re the type who can’t get laid.
Why should you care how red-state laws might screw you?
The issue’s moot; Matt doesn’t want to do you.