by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Jon Rahm’s ‘crazy’ request for the PGA Tour…”
—CNN

When you’re a two-time major champ, you know
A grasp of irons number one and two
Need not imply an iron bladder, though
The PGA’s expecting it of you.
If chased all day by fans of golf, your sport,
No bush is safe for you to pee behind.
Good money’s nice, but when you’re taken short,
A tee-tee, not the tee, is on your mind.
The fans who pan the drive that hits the rough
Excoriate your stance: “Too tightly crossed
Encumbered legs.” Since you can’t pee enough,
The bladder’s where the lead you had is lost …
Executives of PGA, have soul—
Erect a porta-potty at each hole!