by Steven Kent

“Hold My Snacks: Pirate’s Booty Founder Attempts a Seaside Coup”
—The New York Times

The rightful mayor of this dump,
I learned a lesson well from Trump:
My loss was seventeen-to-one,
But I’m the guy; I’ve just begun.

I know exactly what I’m doing.
Think you’ll stop me? You, I’m suing!
Vote was rigged, so I won’t bear it.
I’m in charge now—I declare it!