by Steven Kent

“Rudy Giuliani Transcripts in Full: Read Text of Shocking Conversations”
—Newsweek

“Bigoted, antisemitic, gross: Rudy Giuliani finds an even lower low”
—The Guardian

The Red Sea parted, right? Big deal!
So why relive it? What a bore.
This happened many times before
(I don’t have proof, but know it’s real).

Your t*ts are mine—I love those things—
But though you’re sexy and have smarts,
Forget the union of our hearts;
Just hit the floor and spread your wings.

Matt Damon’s short and he likes men.
Believe me, Jewish husbands shrink.
Italian guys? The best, I think—
We’ll do it time and time again.

My reputation may be gone,
But frankly I don’t give a damn.
Girl, you know what a stud I am—
Hey, why’s that tape recorder on?