Stephen Gold


Not Under the Collar

I deplore the decline of the tie.
I’m a liberal, tolerant guy,
But humanity’s end
Is foretold by this trend,
And it’s one I am pledged to defy.

Surely only a bumpkin would vote
For the naked display of his throat.
To be seen sans cravate,
Is just wrong, and that’s that!
Fellow yeomen of England, take note.

It’s a dreadful demeaning of dress,
And I blame it upon the US,
Who invented the “T.”
It is quite clear to me,
They have instincts they need to suppress!

For what’s next if we don’t stop the rot?
Maybe, heaven forfend, sans culottes?
Who would not look askance
If men stopped wearing pants?
(Which I fear is more likely than not.)

Be they wide, be they bow, be they thin,
Ties deserve pride of place, ‘neath the chin.
Striped or spotted or plain,
Knot them not with disdain.
Come! Let’s purge this sartorial sin!

Now’s the moment for action, I say!
Carpe diem, my friends! Seize the day!
Wrest our nation from Hell.
Back my new URL:!


Stephen Gold was born in Glasgow, Scotland, and practiced law there for almost forty years, robustly challenging the notion that practice makes perfect. He and his wife, Ruth, now live in London, close by their disbelieving children and grandchildren. His special loves (at least, the ones he’s prepared to reveal) are the limerick and the parody. He has over 600 limericks published in, the project to define by limerick every word in the Oxford English Dictionary, and is a contributor to Lighten Up Online. Over the years, he has had some success as a contributor to the Washington Post Style Invitational, his major achievement being to lower the average IQ of its devotees.