by Nora Jay

“‘Unreliable splatter’: Vatican exorcists denounce Russell Crowe’s Pope’s Exorcist …
The real Amorth was an antifascist partisan in the second world war who claimed
to have performed 60,000 lesser and major exorcisms throughout his life,
talking to the devil ‘every day’ (who would respond ‘in Italian’).”
—The Guardian

“Come sta, Diavolino?”
Quoth Amorth (best known as “Volt”).
“No mere laymen know what we know:
Watch him gasp, turn heel, and bolt!

“When I start my holy patter,
Addio, Lucifero!
He ignores the pseudo-splatter
Offered up by Russell Crowe.

“Only licensed, bona fide
Paid-up exorcists know how.
Here’s your soul back, clean and tidy.
Guarda te, Satana. Ciao!”