by Marshall Begel

“Michigan woman pulled from outhouse toilet after climbing in for Apple watch”
—The Guardian

If hiking through the river dale,
Enjoying summer air,
You lose your way along the trail—
Don’t give in to despair!
Just call my name—I will not fail
To lead you back from there.

If summer storms come at their worst
And smash your ship at sea,
To leave you with a brutal thirst
And clinging to debris,
Call out my name—I will be first
To find and rescue thee.

If you should drop your pricy phone
Into the outhouse muck,
And climb into that hollow throne
Becoming good and stuck,
Then call my name—you’re not alone!
I’ll come and… wish you luck.