by Marshall Begel

“Eating grasshoppers has been found to boost sex drive, improve
sleep quality, promote healthy hair and help with weight management.”
—New York Post

With voice of a ringmaster, baritone loud,
The salesman soon gathers a sizable crowd.

“Do you dread the changes that make you feel old?
Do you wish that youth could be packaged and sold?
Today is your day, and of course I allude
To this edible magical new superfood!

It helps you perform when libido is stalled,
And brings back the hair of the premature bald!
You’ll rise every morning awake and alert,
And lose enough weight for that pencil-thin skirt!

So, curious tourists, and shrewd local shoppers,
Come fill up your baskets with tasty…
grasshoppers!

It’s cash-only, people—no vouchers or tickets!”

The crowd answers back with unanimous…
*crickets*