The Switzerland Army’s Knife
No wonder the Swiss are peaceful
And lead such neutral lives:
Their army is principally armed
With complicated knives.
Their knives are good for cutting
Swiss cheese and leather hose,
But when I’m in a close fight—
Don’t hand me one of those!
Give me a good old bayonet
Or a Bowie knife perhaps.
But spare me the scissors, corkscrew,
And the opener of bottle caps.
To Me, E.D. Means Emily Dickinson
I’ll have at least one consolation
On my deathbed after Extreme Unction:
Never again to suffer through commercials
Claiming to cure erectile dysfunction.