Jayne Osborn


One Good Thing About February

A fan is no use when your face has turned puce
and your neck is alarmingly red.
And I’m not being rude but I sleep in the nude,
as I burn like a furnace in bed.
Being constantly hot is tremendous fun—not!—
and although I have yet to reach “old,”
it’s much more than a blush when you have a hot flush
so I’m happy whenever it’s cold.
That’s why February’s great. It’s the warm months I hate;
over-heating is not at all nice,
when your hairline is wet and you’re dripping with sweat.
Oh, I’ve come to adore snow and ice.
So while everyone moans that they’re numb to their bones
with the cold, and the whole nation’s ill,
it’s the month I love best, way above all the rest,
’cause I’m “cool” and, for once, I can “chill.”

Jayne Osborn is an award-winning UK poet, well-known for her humorous rhyming verse. Her poems have appeared in many anthologies and online journals, and in publications including The Spectator, The Oldie, and Literary Review. She is a retired secondary school English teacher who also taught math in a men’s prison (she says you can’t beat having a captive audience), and in recent years she joined a magicians’ club, where she is the only woman; now she can amuse—and confound!—assembled throngs with a magical combination of tricks and light verse.