by Eddie Aderne
“Adopt a Bison!”
—Email from the National Wildlife Federation
These weeks I’ve found a lot to take advice on—
French cooking, dressing up as works of art—
But my decision’s to adopt a bison,
And so I’ve put one in my online cart.
At first perhaps I’ll be obliged to crate him
Until domestic rules are understood,
But very soon I plan to educate him
As any conscientious parent should.
With all these new accomplishments I’m learning
His eager mind will be profusely fed.
His tastes will be wide-ranging but discerning,
As suits a youthful, modern quadruped;
He’ll rate the art of Tin Tin and of Titian,
The words of Süsskind and of Dr. Seuss;
In politics he’ll take a poised position,
Not like some loud, opinionated moose.
The plan’s complete: I’m ready to adopt him—
Once this piano’s fixed for hooves, it’s done!
I know I’ll be delighted to have copped him.
Let me present: my highbrow bison son.