by Julia Griffin

“[President Trump] called for new national ID laws with a bizarre assertion: “If you buy a box of cereal—you have a voter ID.”—The Guardian

You wonder how we’re going to fix
The problem with our votes?
Go buy yourself some Weetabix,
Froot-Loops or Quaker Oats,

Granola Treats or Honey Crunch
(They all come Gluten-Free):
With every box of Sunny Munch,
You have a voter ID.

CHORUS
It’s healthy, non-bacterial,
And handy as can be:
You buy that box of cereal,
You have a voter ID.

To be a straight-up certified
Elector in our nation,
You need no patriotic pride
Or birth certification:

Just buy some Chex or Cheerios
(They come in packs of three):
With every box, I’m seri-os,
You have a voter ID.

CHORUS
So just look magisterial,
Hit Wal-Mart, and whoopee!
Though Justice feels diphtherial,
All that is immaterial:
You buy that box of cereal,
You have a voter ID.