by Julia Griffin

“‘Cheese is like heroin’: New York mayor raises eyebrows with drug comparison”
—The Guardian

The eyebrows of New York are raised,
And dropped is its collective chin:
The Mayor has got his people fazed,
Comparing cheese to heroin.

It’s true that both are mostly white,
And execrably over-priced,
But heroin’s a powder (right?),
While cheese, in general, is sliced.

A doctor quickly ascertains
The damage wrought by both of these,
But heroin invades your veins,
While cheese prefers your arteries.

Both dairymen and pushers boast
They have the perfect schoolyard snack,
But heroin’s no good on toast,
And no one orders mac ’n‘ smack.

The Mayor has yet to change his mind.
“Cheese is like heroin!” he states,
And wildly eyes a Stilton rind;
However painfully it grates,

There’s possibly some truth therein,
Allowing this proviso, please:
Cheese, maybe, is like heroin,
But heroin is not like cheese.